When I walk into Lowes, I literally shrivel up and die inside. Frankly, it is boring and I have no clue what any of it is for.
If something goes wrong?
Call my dad.
Or Laura (my fab-basically-sister-in-law-contractor-extraordinaire)
Not any more (heh heh heh)
Conversation went like this:
Me: "Hey tell me about caulking and spray foam, I have holes near window sills that need to be closed."
Laura: "Well, spray foam is fine, but it sounds like caulk may be your best bet, get the white kind, you won't need a gun."
Ok, so that is what I heard. In reality the conversation was much longer and she went into incredible detail that went WAY over my head. Not wanting her to think I'm a moron, I told her that answered all my questions and to wish me luck at Lowes.
So....I went to Lowes and strutted around like a badass like "You silly people who don't know anything about taking care of your homes yourself, pshaw" and bought a tube of painters caulk.
Now, Jason was there and said to me:
"Um, don't you need a caulking gun?"
and I responded:
"Um, no, dumb dumb, Laura said I didn't need one"
I now think that he didn't say anything because he likes to watch me suffer. Jerk.
Anywhoodles. We went home and I cut the tip off and then attempted to squeeze. Aaaaaand nothing. Little sucker wouldn't give me the goods. Now, I don't have any upper body strength. I stand up to staple, but COME ON! Poppy is napping and I want to get to it! So I put it on the counter, stood on a chair and pressed down with both hands and POP! The bottom goes flying off.
Hmmmm.
No worries! I think as I grab a kitchen knife and start a'spacklin. My index finger worked nicely too. At this point Jason is looking at me like "why did I marry this chick, shes insane!" but that ok because I'm as happy as a four year old with finger paint.
Couple days later I saw Laura for our monthly Grandkid Movie Night; I proudly told her all about my caulking abilities and may have casually mentioned that I'm available for any odd jobs she needs done. She responded by laughing and asking me why I got the one that required the gun when she clearly stated that I could buy the one in a toothpaste-esq tube and squeeze what I needed.
(crickets)
Whatev. My holes are caulked.
Call me if you need me. I'm pretty much a pro.
